The Gifts of Grief

The Gifts of Grief

Nikita Gill once wrote of grief as being three children of which the last one comes with a gift. It was so beautifully described that I keep it in my own journal.

She wrote: Grief’s first born child is Anger. She storms from room to room, each window rattling in her wake, Destruction her middle name and she does not apologise for it. Hurricane in your chest, storm in your soul, she won’t release you until you shatter.

Grief’s second child is Sadness. She who crawls inside your bones and stretches her ivy hands till every part of you is constricted inside this web of torment. Tragedy in your bones, decay in your sinew, she will stay until you learn how to use the knife which cuts your way out.

Grief’s youngest child is named Healing. She who mends broken souls with lacquered gold, each crack glimmering in the sunlight. You will ask her why. Balm of your wound, gentle rain for your spirit, she will tell you that what you have grieved was never meant to be forgotten.

How beautiful is that? I feel that what is not meant to be forgotten is our own raw humanness, because what connects us to each other is grief.

Grief is a universal human experience, one that often arrives uninvited and unwelcome. It can be a heavy burden, overwhelming and consuming, but within its depths lie unexpected gifts waiting to be unearthed. While grief is often associated with pain and loss much like those children of grief that Nikita Gill wrote about, it also has the power to teach, transform, and ultimately, to heal. So what are the gifts that grief can offer us?

Perspective Shift: Grief has a way of shifting our perspective on life. It reminds us of the fragility of existence and the importance of cherishing each moment. Through grief, we gain a deeper appreciation for the people and experiences we hold dear, realizing their profound significance in our lives.

Emotional Depth: In the midst of grief, we may find ourselves experiencing a wide array of emotions – from sadness and anger to love and gratitude. These intense emotions, while challenging, can also enrich our emotional depth and capacity for empathy. Grief teaches us to embrace the full spectrum of human emotion, allowing us to connect more deeply with ourselves and others.

Strength and Resilience: Enduring grief requires tremendous strength and resilience. It tests our limits, pushing us to confront our deepest fears and vulnerabilities. Yet, through this struggle, we discover a reservoir of inner strength we never knew we possessed. Grief teaches us that we are capable of overcoming even the most profound challenges, emerging stronger and more resilient on the other side.

Transformation and Growth: As we journey through grief, we undergo profound transformations. We may reassess our priorities, reevaluate our beliefs, and redefine our sense of self. In the process, we discover new depths of insight and understanding, leading to personal growth and evolution. Grief becomes a catalyst for transformation, propelling us forward on our journey of self-discovery.

Connection and Community: Grief has a way of bringing people together, forging deep connections and fostering a sense of community. In times of loss, we often find solace in the support of others who have walked a similar path. Through shared experiences of grief, we form bonds that transcend words, offering comfort, companionship, and a sense of belonging.

Appreciation for Life: Ultimately, grief teaches us to appreciate the precious gift of life itself. It reminds us to live fully, love deeply, and cherish every moment we are given. In the face of loss, we are reminded of the fleeting nature of existence, urging us to seize the opportunity to create meaning and beauty in the world around us.

In conclusion, while grief may initially appear as a dark and daunting shadow, it carries within it the seeds of profound growth and transformation. It is a rite of passage in some way and when we dare to embrace our grief by allowing it the space it needs to move, our grief gifts us new abilities and insights.

We can navigate the journey of grief with courage, compassion, and ultimately, with hope. Through the darkness of grief, we discover the light of our own resilience and the boundless capacity of the human spirit to endure, heal, and thrive, and ultimately connect back to our humanness.

Written by Genevieve Matthews